Sad and sorry...wish for the best

Things have become bad to worse in my family for the past few years, especially my dad. My dad has been having problems with money ever since he was cheated off by his friend a couple of years ago. Since then, he had to start his career all over again, which actually honestly speaking, not contributing much to the family income. He has been working so hard, trying to relieve the burden on my mum, who is actually working her guts out even on her supposely rest days, in order to feed the family and taking care of the house. Alhough not earning much, she has become almost the sole breadwinner for the family. Not saying that that my dad is not doing his part, but things have not been working out smoothly these few years for him. It is worse now that he just sprained his back after a bad fall in the a coffeeshop this afternoon. I took him to see one of his friends who has been a well known sen-sei for many years.

While waiting for him for his treatment, I began to think what an useless son I had been, ever since I graduated from university. I always put up a brave front in front of my friends, saying that I want to enjoy the break before finding a permanent job, acting not in need of money, and leisurely waiting for the replies from the applications on jobstreet.com, but in actual fact, I'm desperate for a job, really really in need, to relieve the workload from my parents. Especially the car, although it is a liability due to the increase in price of petrol that my dad and I always have problems filling it fully, that is my dad's 'rice bowl'. Looking at the pathetic condition my dad was in just now before the treatment, I can't help feeling sorry, and I just felt speechless in front of him. He just could not in a condition to drive a car and had to have a hand pressed at the spot that was hurt. I just could feel the pain he was experiencing, especially now that he is now nearly 60. Though my dad has also provided help in recommending me to his friends, but somehow I always thought doing something that I like and not appreciating the help from him. Thinking up to this stage, I started feeling sad, and frankly speaking, I actually sobed a bit. Tears came down and I decided to walk around for a while, in order to avoid the sudden appearance of my dad after he got his treatment done.

A lot of mixed feelings have been building up in me this couple of months and I seems to be in a lost land. However one thing fo sure, I really want to get a job soon and I hope my dad recovers soon.